


Don't hurt my child

by ClaraCivry (Kat_Of_Dresden)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU where Loki finds out about being a Jotun as a teen...., Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Frigga Feels, Gen, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Parent Frigga (Marvel), Sadness, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Loki, Suicide Attempt, Teen Thor and Loki, Whump, it goes as well as expected, very bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 10:27:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14162835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_Of_Dresden/pseuds/ClaraCivry
Summary: Loki finds out about his Jotun heritage as a teen... and promptly tries to kill the monster.Frigga point of view, mostly. Lots of family feels, suicidal Loki, very distraught Thor.





	Don't hurt my child

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nacaratskies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nacaratskies/gifts).



> Based on a prompt.

They were so different, it was uncanny just how well they got along, Frigga's two little boys.

 

Thor was like the sun: open, warm, extroverted, always happy and energetic, enthusiastic about everything, a never ending supply of energy, of smiles, of adventures and cute gestures. He was friends with everyone and all the members of the court adored him, everyone said how they couldn't wait until he was king.

 

Loki, on the other hand.... He was curious and smart, astute some would say, but not quite so blessed in social matters. He simply wasn't as bright and loud as Thor and Odin, got longer to get to know him. Most people didn't make the effort and Frigga could tell that Loki noticed it, and closed up even more. He was smart, and understood how little he was appreciated.

 

Which was cause for melancholy for Loki, and cause for concern for Frigga. In order to appear as strong and manly as his older brother, Loki often hid when he was feeling depressed, and it took catching him in the middle of crying, or a too quick weight loss for anyone to notice when he was feeling poorly. Frigga worried, because these sadness bursts got longer and deeper as Loki grew, as grew his capacity to hide.

 

One of those days she wouldn't see anything and Loki would do something drastic, and everyone would wonder why they hadn't seen anything. How they'd been so blind to such deep sorrows.

 

And that could not happen. Even if in the streets of Asgard Loki was not the most popular royal, Loki was a key member of their family. He was the one that calmed Thor's excessive bravado, the one that thought things through, the one who always had a non-violent approach to situations, the one that made them think, and kept the other men's ego in check with his sharp tongue. He was the soothing ocean to Odin's and Thor's fire, he was the shade to their sun, he was the very much needed touch of art in house of warrior brutes. He was so much more important than he thought himself to be.

 

But he clearly didn't think so. And one day, everything went wrong.

 

Thor and Loki were teenagers, and Fandral came to her throne room, out of breath.

 

“My queen... something happened... it's bad....”

 

“What is it, Fandral? Did something happen to Thor or Loki?”

 

“We were... we were playing some dumb game in some ice caves... and Loki.... we don't know what happened, but his hands turned blue and he... went... out of his mind....”

 

“Oh no.... Do you know where he is now?”

 

There was a guarded look in Fandral's pale eyes. Something happened that pained him to say.

 

“Volstagg.... he shouldn't have, but he asked Loki _what kind of monster are you?_ And Loki just disappeared, with you know, your kind of magic.”

 

Oh, this was bad. Frigga had known that telling Loki about his heritage was going to be a difficult moment and that it was going to affect Loki, so she had been putting it off, for days, weeks, months. _When he's happier I'll tell him_ , she said, _after this storm clouds have passed_. And then, when he was indeed happier she didn't have the heart to ruin his good mood with such a delicate revelation. And now he'd found out on his own, he'd been called a monster and was now alone, with only his treacherous thoughts as company, and the echo of being called a monster.

 

This was so so bad.

 

They ran some locating spells, Thor pacing next to her, and ran to the corner of the private royal library he was supposed to be in. The sight that greeted her would haunt her for the rest of her days.

 

Loki was seizing, bloody tear tracks on his unseeing eyes, and odd purplish colour tinging his skin, outlining the veins starkly.... And there a small angrily crisscrossed piece of parchment on the floor.

 

_Slay all the monsters_

_Slay all the monsters_

_MONSTER_

 

The roar of thunder that shook them nearly broke Asgard in half, as Thor threw himself to his little brother, crying out for a healer, trying to get Loki to see him, to hold his hand, to hang on. But Loki could hardly move, and there was blood and foam coming out of his mouth... Thor's blue eyes were swimming when he looked at his mother, beseeching, asking his mum for a way to fix this, and Frigga felt sorrow in a way she hadn't before.

 

They took Loki to the royal healers, but not even Eir could tell them if Loki was going to survive.

 

Thor's head hurt from so much sobbing, but more tears kept coming, because Loki was still half dead, half dead by his own hand, barely able to draw breath. His little brother. The one he had vowed to protect before he'd even learned to walk. He was dying, he was dying and he was dying because he had decided that he wanted to die. That he was a monster that was better off dead.

 

Frigga's heart was broken in so many places. So was Thor's. Loki was just struggling to beat.

 

Loki had nearly taken his own life. Thor felt broken about not having been able to protect him better, and raging that neither her nor Odin had told him something that they knew would affect him so. That they had stood idly while he called the frost giants monsters while knowing Loki was one of them.

 

“This is on you, too.” Thor said, through bloodshot eyes. “On you and father.”

 

And he was right.

 

But suddenly Frigga saw no way of making this right. No way in which Loki would accept what he was, no way in which this wouldn't hurt him. And no one was allowed hurt her child. Not even himself.

 

(Incidentally, the worst enemy of Loki was an probably would always be himself, all the bad decisions, all the self worth issues, all the imagined slights and the paranoia about how everyone hated him were going to be his downfall, and not any outside enemy... It was so painful. Frigga had tried to be there for him always, to let him know that he could always come to her... and yet...)

 

The illness of the second prince, and why the heir was missing was kept quiet. For half a year, Loki lay in fevered dreams, trying to recover from the poisoning, but unable to. Half a dozen times, he stopped breathing and they thought they lost him forever. He'd chosen the poison carefully, and it was only because they found him soon that he hadn't died the very same day. Thor lost some of his light in that time.

 

Shortly after waking up, Loki crawled to the Bifrost, ready to throw himself into the void.

 

“I'll do it properly this time.”

 

It was Fandral again who found him, and knocked him out to prevent him from falling.

 

Thor came running, terror in his eyes.... The terror that his brother might already be dead etched in his eyes, that he might have to go through losing Loki again, knowing he'd failed him....

 

Frigga wasn't a perfect woman, or a perfect queen, or a perfect mother. She had her faults, she did things she shouldn't have. She sometimes let Odin get away with terrible things, like what happened with Hela, trapped forever because she'd been too bloodthirsty. She let Odin go on all those wars, shouldn't have let Thor and his friends talk like that about frost giants... But the truth was, she was exhausted, and couldn't handle any more pain.

 

She'd been queen for hundreds of years, and her children had been extremely exhausting to raise to handle, as well trying to tame Odin, and rule Asgard and.... Covering up was the wrong thing to do, and yet, she was doing it again.

 

Now that all three of them were there (Loki, Thor, and poor Fandral, witness of all of it) she did muttered a powerful memory spell, so that they would forget it all. She handled the rest of Thor's friend who'd seen the first incident later, and when they awoke the next day...

 

Loki only knew that he'd been sick for a long time. Thor only remembered that he'd been worried.

 

Frigga didn't have the heart to tell him the truth.

 

No one was allowed to hurt her child...

 

Not even her. She knew it wrong of her to hide the truth, to cover it up, but...

 

Her children were smiling, like they hadn't in a long time. Loki too, pale tired eyes looking at her with warmth.

 

What he didn't know couldn't hurt him. And Loki not being hurt.... That was more important than anything else in the whole universe.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked!
> 
> It always bugged me that Frigga didn't tell Loki when they were obviously close and she did love him...
> 
> Feedback is super appreciated! Would love to hear your thoughts ;)


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